Mr.Garrison's Classroom.

[Eric Cartman]

[align=justify:c1e6de3b8b]I post the initial idea of the script. After I post, everyone continues with the script. Be as random and creative as you possiblycan. I would prefer people had Southpark characters to do this, but not overly anal about my silly lil perks.[/align:c1e6de3b8b]

[align=center]Have fun.[/align]

[align=justify:c1e6de3b8b]Mr.Garrison: You see kids, Joey was what is referred to as “bi-curious”.
[Kyle puts his hand up]
Mr.Garrison: Yes Kyle?
Kyle: What does that mean?
[Mr.Garrison takes off his glasses and lays them on the table]
Mr.Garrison: You see children—
[Mr.Hat whispers something to Mr.Garrison]
Mr.Garrison: ok then, Mr.Hat you can tell them.
Mr.Hat: Well kids, Joey liked girls, just like everyone else.
Kyle: I don’t like girls Mr.Garrison!
Mr.Garrison: Well you should you little poopie-poker! ok. You may continue now Mr.Hat.
Mr.Hat: But Joey ALSO thought he liked men.
Stan: But we’re all friends, we like each other, and we’re men!
Cartman: Mr.Garrison, I need to go to the bathroom.
Mr.Garrison: Well, Eric, you can wait until the lesson is over, and go down on the bell.
[Mr.Garrison starts laughing his head off.]
Mr.Garrison: Go down on the bell! HAHAHAHAHA! Go down… ON THE BELL!!! HAHAHAHA!!
[The class stares at him. Principal Victoria walks into the classroom]
Principal Victoria: Mr.Garrison, I have some disturbing news for you and your class.
Cartman: Oh, what’s it going to be this time? A quarter missing? A book is missing?
Principal Victoria: A pupil is MISSING!
Mr.Garrison: Oh, that’s terrible, isn’t it Mr.Hat?
[Mr.Hat is nowhere to be seen]
Mr.Garrison: Mr.Hat???
Principal Victoria: I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the pupils name is Clyde.
[The class all gasp except for Cartman]
Cartman: That’s OK, I didn’t really like Clyde, he was a little bit, well you know, queer.
Kyle: That’s not nice, Cartman!
Stan: Yeah dude, Clyde was always nice to you, he was an innocent, and never made any comments about your butt eclipsing the sun!
Cartman: AY!
Principle Victoria: It seems that he was out on a mountain trek, and got separated from the group. Because of this, the school, in all it’s great responsibility and sensible knowledge, is going to send all of you kids on a search party to find him.
Cartman: WHAT!?!?!?
Stan: Dude, they can’t do that! That’s irresponsible.
Principle Victoria: Mr.Garrison will be coming with you, and—
KIyle: Do we not have a choice?
Principle Victoria: Of course you have a choice! You can either come with us up to the top of Mt.Rectum…
[Laughter]
Principal Victoria: … or you can stay here with another teacher and do math!
Stan: No way dude, I’m going to help Clyde!
Kyle: Yeah, me too!
Kenny: {Let’s climb that fucking mountain}
Kyle: You said it Kenny!
Cartman: Math ain’t so bad…

[Outside of South Park Elementary.]
Big line of kids
Kyle: So you decided to come with us then?
Cartman: Yeah, I decided it was the right thing, morally, to do.
Kyle: No you didn’t! You found out that Mr.Mackey was gonna teach you math on your own!
Cartman: Well you can’t blame me… I can’t STAND that voice… mmmkay?
[Laughter]
The SP bus pulls up with some kids in it.
Mrs.Crabtree: (to the kids in the bus) GET OUT!!
[The kids get out]
Mrs.Crabtree: (to kids in line) GET IN!!
Mr.Garrison: Mrs.Crabtree, do you think you could be a little less noisy?
Mrs.Cravtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY???
Mr.Garrison: Umm…I…said, er… dirt… is…very…ummm…soily!
Mrs.Crabtree: WELL YES, IT CERTAINLY IS!!
Mr.Garrison: Phew!

[Bus drives away]


[At the bottom of Mt.Rectum]
Mr.Garrison: Ok kids, this is- and I don’t want any laughing – Mt.Rectum.
[Laughter]
Mr.Garrison: I said no laughing dammit!
[Kids become silent]
Mr.Garrison: I don’t know that Clyde’s problem is- I’d looooooove to be lost in a rectum.
[Gasp from kids.]
Mr.Garrison clears his throat
Kyle: Mr.Garrison, can we stop wasting time now, and go look for Clyde?
Mr.Garrison: Oh, Kyle, I suppose so. I’m just going to the men’s room.
[Vanishes into the men’s room with a devious expression on face]
Stan: Ok dude, let’s go!
Some Adventurer Guy: Wait, kids! You’ll need your trusty backpack, filled with lots of goodies which I think you’ll need up on THAT mountain there!
[Some adventurer guy hands over backpacks]
Stan: Thanks dude!
Kyle: Great. Can we go now?
Some Adventurer Guy: Yeah, sure kids. Remember to use flares if you get lost!
Kyle: What? You’re not coming with us?
Some Adventurer Guy: No, your school can’t afford a supervisor. Have a great climb!
Stan: Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!

[Mountain path]
The 4 kids are alone walking a winding and ascending path
Cartman: Oh, I can’t wait to get home and eat some pie—
Kenny: {You fat fuck!}
Cartman: AY! At least I can afford to eat pie, Kenny! Not like you ghetto-dwelling garbage-eating piece of crap, living in your pisshole of a cardboard box you call a house!
Kenny: {Eat shit fuckface!}
Cartman: AY!!
Stan: Quiet, dude! I think I can hear something.
Cartman: It sounds like…footsteps.
Kyle: I bet it’s an armed robber!
Cartman: You have an over-active imagination!
Kyle: No, seriously! Used to happen all of the time in the old days.
Cartman: What?!?!? On the top of a fucking mountain?
Kyle: You betcha!
Cartman: They’re getting closer!
Stan: Dude! I can see it, sort of. Brown hat…blond hair…bowtie…
Kyle: Pip?
[Pip appears from round the corner.]
Pip: Greetings, gentlemen. Top of the morning and all that!
Kyle: Pip? What are you doing here?
Pip: Well, I appear to be lost as well.
Cartman: How come you’re on your own?
Pip: Well, nobody seemed to want to form a group with me, or invite me into theirs, so I made one of my own. Unfortunately nobody wanted to—
Cartman: Yeah we get the idea, Pip. Now where did you come from?
Pip: Up there and to the left. You’ll find I left my provisions up there while I went to find help…gentlemen?
[Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle are nowhere to be seen.]
Pip: Oh blast.

[Kids are munching at Pip’s provisions]
Cartman: (with mouth full) Well, kiiiiick ass!
Kyle: Yeah, a picnic!
Kenny: {Give me some of that!}
Cartman: No, you poor sonofabitch don’t touch what you can’t afford, Kenny!
Stan: Dude! Give Kenny some of your food!
Cartman: Kenny’s not getting any of MY food. If you want to be charitable, then YOU can donate some of YOUR food to Kenny!
Stan: Sorry, Kenny. Carman’s being really mean!
Kyle: But you’re not getting any of my food.
Stan: Or mine. Sorry Kenny dude.
Kenny: {Mean fuckers}
Stan: But wait a minute dude, we’ve only been lost for like one hour!
Kyle: So?
Stan: Well we’re not really lost- we just came down from there!
Cartman: (with his mouth full and spitting out chunks of food) So?
Stan: So why are we eating our provisions now?
[The other kids stop eating]
Kyle: Dude, you don’t seriously think we’re actually here to look for Clyde, do you?
Stan: (unsure) Er, no, of course not!
Kenny: {then what the fuck are we fucking doing up here? Masturbating?}
Cartman: HehHeh, now that was funny coming from a douche like yourself, Kenny!
Kyle: Shut up you two!
Stan: Cartman should be careful, you might cause an avalanche with that fat ass of yours!
[Laughter]
Cartman: AY! I’m not fat, just big-boned, yeah… big-boned assfuck!
Kenny: {bunch of assholes}
Kyle: Well we better save some provisions in case we are lost
Stan: It isn’t possible, we just came from that direction
[Points to the direction they came]
Cartman: Man, these provisions taste like ass-biscuits!
Stan: Like your mom can cook any better!
Kyle: Yeah that’s right Cartman, you’re moms cookin isn’t that great- I don’t know how you can eat it?
Kenny: {yeah, what’s so fucking great about it?}
Cartman: …Cos my mom makes me beefy logs and none of that fahagaga crap you eat, Kyle!
Kyle: No Cartman, that’s the reason you’re FATTER than us!
Cartman: AY! You…stupid..peice…of…crap…I’ll…er…why weren’t you hanged with all the rest of the Jews?
Kyle: Jews weren’t hanged, you fucking shit-lump whore!
Stan: No dude, you’ve got it all wrong! Cartman’s MOM is the whore!
Cartman: AY! I’m gonna come over there and kick YOU in the nuts too!
Stan: Dammit, Cartman, just give it a rest! We’re meant to be looking for Cylde
Kenny: {what the fuck for?}
Cartman: Alright, well just don’t call me fat nut-gobbler…Er…Kenny, because it sure as hell beats math with Mr. Mackey!
Kyle: And the fact Clyde is a pretty good kid
Stan: A little bit retarded, but he can’t help it that his mom dropped him on his head at birth.
[They all look at Stan with odd expressions]

It starts to rain
Cartman: Oh fucking Jesus-H-Christ! Nothin is worse than a wet rectum!
[Laughter]
Cartman: WHAT?!?!?
Stan: Are you talking from experience or just dribbling shit again?
[Laughter]
Kenny: {Faggots!}
Kyle: *laughs* Maybe Clyde fell down a hole, and trapped somewhere in the darkness, alone and hungry?
Cartman: Some hole, eh?
Stan: Dudes quit with the ass humor and get serious already! Clyde’s life may depend upon it![/align:c1e6de3b8b]